A couple of weekends ago I went to The Secret Garden Party, a festival in Cambridgeshire. The theme of the festival was childhood and all the fun that it should come with. I don’t know whether that inspired me but festival hedonism mixed in with dance offs and races with the 6 year old king of the festival, being dressed as a glittery pink unicorn, and dancing like nobody is watching sure helps the topic of “growing up” stay on your mind.
I have three poems which I’d like to share and will introduce with three different posts (so you don’t get too bored of my waffle and can pick the ones that you fancy reading the most).
The first is about how my personal experimenting of my own sexuality used to make me feel and how I feel about it now. I was unsure about sharing this poem but this is my safe place, strangely, to share my demons and release my thoughts into the world. Plus I had two conversations with two incredible women who made me realised that 1. By sharing this someone may be able to relate, and 2. Your relationship past, extensive, minimal, heart breaking, foolish, is your history that makes up how you are able to be with who you are in a relationship with today. And whilst I know this is true, letting go of those people and how I felt when I was with them/loved them/liked them from afar and accepting yourself and your mistakes from every age is so important. So, here goes nothing!
This poem doesn’t contain sexually explicit language but rather sexual suggestiveness and a couple of swear words.
To the adolescent/young adult me
To all the Mr’s whose sheets I lay wrapped up in after and felt much less than I was;
To all the Misses whom I laid upon my kisses but didn’t tell you truthfully that you made my blood flow and toes curl;
To all those whom I chased and tried to embrace but instead just made a fool of myself in front of;
To all those whom I used to regret not playing it cool or being at one with me;
– thank you.
Thank you for letting me act immature by adding fuel to the fire by burning up all desire;
Thank you for putting up with all my bullshit and the way I used to let my eyes flit;
Thank you for helping me become the who I am today
– not quite as unsure and able to give those I love a fuck ton more.
© LE Purse